Third year na ko!

BWAHAHAHAHAHHA!!!!

THIRD YEAR NA KO! hehe! seems like only yesterday that i attended my first class in UST. hehe!

Anyway, i gotta get serious now! :-o

Hehe... the main reason why i posted this was because of all the guys i met since my return here to the Philippines, only the Great Baldy and the Philosopher still crosses my mind.

Funniest thing is, i've gotten so used to being single, i get scared of the though of entering a new relationship, except with those two, of course. Hehehe!

I miss them. They both seem so near yet they're more distant than barely-remembered dreams :-(

Thank you for reading :-)

Whoa!!! This is something else!!!

Dig my horoscope for today:

"A certain person you're counting on may turn out to be flaky. Don't worry, though -- it's just temporary. Figure things out on your own, and they'll come through for you later on when you need help. "

I was counting on 'ol Baldy Boy all day for support and assurance, but didn't really get any... Hmmm... Do YOU think this'll come true??

:: ... oVeR aNd oUt ... ::

What a coincidence...

Look at my horoscope for today:

"Dear Melquiades,
Here is your single's love horoscope for Monday, February 26:
=> All your senses are working overtime now, including a certain sixth sense about romantic matters. You might feel a bit vulnerable, but you've also got an intense emotional intelligence."

Strange... That's how i've been feeling all day and night of the 25th... The thing is, this horoscope sends the emails a day in advance, so today I receive my horoscope for tomorrow, etc.

Strange... =)

:: ... oVeR aNd oUt ... ::

Ash Wednesday

My tummy hurts =(

Anyway, yesterday was Ash Wednesday. I nearly forgot, but luckily, I ran into Mich in the lobby of St. Raymund's Building (where she pulled me for a quick photo for her (or was it her friend's)magazine) after watching the play "PARA" (which, i would say, had a much more satisfactory ending than their previous offering, "Encadre"). She (Mich), told me that there would be a Mass in front of the Main Building at 5:15pm, and as i looked into my watch, i saw that it was just 5pm (lucky, lucky).

I went to plaza in front of the Main Building, and, after some hesitation and second thoughts, decided not to leave (i waited for 20 minutes). By God's grace, I was not disappointed, and was actually glad that i didn't skive off (hehe!). And so, i attended Mass.

The exact phrase that stuck to my mind during the First Reading was this: "The Lord ... is slow to anger, rich in kindness and relenting in punishment". This got me all teary-eyed. And the Gospel talked about the hypocrisy of some people who do religious deeds just to be applauded. The main celebrant (i don't know who he is) gave a really good Homily. He talked about the three things that we as Catholic Christians should do during this holy season of Lent: (or "Quaresma" in Filipino/Spanish. I was really amused when I was musing about what the word "Lent" was in Filipino (during the Mass) when the priest said it... hehe! i've heard of the word being used in ABS-CBN, but i didn't know what it really meant and forgot to ask around)

1. Prayer
2. Alms-giving
3. Fasting

Anyway, i was really glad i went to Mass =P

Yesterday morning, i decided to get some load (P35) and passed some on to The Great Baldy (or Ang Dakilang Kalbo) without him asking for it. I just felt like it. I don't know why. I felt that if I wanted to do it, then i should, and i did. I had my own doubts about doing that, like whether or not i gave him some load just so he could text me. But i realized that this was not so. I decided that this was because i wanted to show him (and myself) that i can give him some load without him asking (and also a gesture of affection. Hehe!) I also decided that I'll only feel as if I'm letting myself get "cheap" or "used" ONLY if I allowed myself to do so. And that i won't do. =p

If he decided that he can't carry on with me, i'll understand. Like ***, he was first and foremost, my friend =)

Oh yeah... as I was on the jeep home last night, the traffic situation got so bad along Sauyo Road all the way to Holy Cross Memorial Park (my stop) that I got off the still jeep and walked a kilometre and half (I THINK). But it wasn't all that bad, I felt that it wasn't that far because there were lots of vehicles all caught up in the traffic that the walk wasn't at all boring.

Hmmm... about fasting... i thought of how i would fast... but i don't think i'll be able to keep it up.

:: ... oVeR aNd oUt ... ::

* Naku! San kaya puede magpa-load?? Hehe! Joke! =P *

HOY KALBO!!!! >=P

NAKAKAINIS yung KALBONG iyon!!!!

"Grrrr.... Hoy Kalbo!!! Nakakainis ka! Nag-load ka na pala, 'di mo ko kagad tinetext! Alam mo, yan ang razon kung bakit ako nagagalit kapag nagttxt ka na kapag akala kong wala kang load. AY!!! Onga pala! 'Di naman nga pala tayo, at sino nga naman ako sa buhay mo?? WALA.

HOY KALBO!!! Tulad ng sabi nung kaibigan ko, "'Wag kang mag-inarte dyan ha!" KAKAINIS KA!!!! GRRRR!! >=P

HOY KALBO!!! Bahala ka na nga! HMPH! Alam mo ba yung binili kong towel galing sa Bench para sa kaarawan mo, pinamigay ko na?? BWAHAHAHA!!! Akala mo ha... =P At LAHAT ng text mo sa 'kin simula nang magkakilala tayo ay binura ko na?? BWAHAHAHA!!!! ulet! (ok... aaminin ko, nasa computer AT flash disk ko pa sila, pero kahit na... 'di ko naman na makikita pa kapag binubuksan ko mga folders ko! BWAHAHAHA!!!!)

HOY KALBO!!! 'Di lang ikaw ang lalake dito sa Pilipinas ha! (siyempre, Pinoy LAANG ang gusto ko! Kaya WALA na akong pakialam sa mga leche at lintik na mga banyagang iyan! BWAHAHAHA!) AT isa pa, marami pa dyan'g iba na nagbibigay ng atensyon sa 'kin, na kapag nagpaload na, AKO kagad ang tinetxt (tulad ni Mark).

HOY KALBO!!! Umayos ka dyan ha... lagi kitang tinetext (nuong naga-unlimited pa 'ko at kahit ngayong hindi na!) at tinatawagan ha! >=P MAHAL ang load! At 'di iiral sa 'kin 'yang mga palusot mong "'E wala talaga akong load e...", "E deadspot sa kwarto 'ko e...". Hoy Kalbo! "Kapag gusto, maraming paraan. Kapag ayaw, maraming dahilan"! Taga-DLSU ka nga at sa Starbucks ka tumatambay at sa The Peninsula ka kumakain, wala kang load?? Hoy Kalbo! 'Wag kang mag-inarte dyan ha!!!

HOY KALBO!!! Alam mo ba na APAT na ORAS kita inantay nuong Paskuhan?? Salamat talaga na naandoon si na Kesca at Monica ha... >=P NAKAKAINIS KA TALAGA!!! At NAKALIMUTAN mo pa "date" natin na kay tagal kong inintay, at natandaan mo lang nung pauwi ka na ulet ng Cavite galing Mandaluyong! Hoy Kalbo! Umayos ka dyan ha!!!

HOY KALBO!!! Kapag pinapasahan kita ng load, konte lang! Kase HINDING-HINDI ako papayag na maging "Sugar Honey" mo 'ko! BWAHAHAHA! Kaya kapag humihingi ka at wala akong load, P5 - P10 lang ang pinapasa ko sa 'yo! BWAHAHAHAHA! Ano akala mo sa 'kin, ungag?? BWAHAHAHAHA!!! Baka iba lang tinetext mo dun. HOY!!! Umayos ka dyan ha!

HOY KALBO!!! Kung may iba kang gusto, SABIHIN mo na sana! Hmmm... pero "feel" ko naman na may gusto ka din 'ata sa 'kin. YATA.

HOY KALBO!!! Baka akala mo ha... IKAW ang lagi kong gustong yakapin ha, kaya lagi ka dapat mabango, tulad nung APAT na oras kang late nung Paskuhan.

HOY KALBO!!! 'Wag mo kang napaka-romantiko na sinusubuan mo pa ko nung Ice Monster na binili ko para sa 'yo ha! (ok lang 'yun.. ako naman nag-imbita sa 'yo, kaya ako yung "host" at ikaw yung "guest", pero 'wag na 'wag kang aasang maging Sugar Honey mo ko ha!!) Ayokong tuluyang mahulug ang damdamin ko sa 'yo ha! TANDAAN MO YAN!

HOY KALBO!!! Gustong-gusto kita (pero 'di pa seguro "mahal"). PERO mas mahal 'ko pa din ang sarili ko! Kaya kapag naunahan ka ng iba sa panahon na malaman mong gusto mo din pala ako, pasensya ka na lang!!!!

Kase ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ...

Ikaw pa din ang pipiliin ko... (shet! 'Di ko alam kung aling Smiley ang gagamitin ko!!! Nakatawa ba or malungkot?? HAHA!)"

Ang iyong nag-iisang:

"Batang Tampururot"

The Green Monster

Ok... before anything else, let me just say that it's really been A WHILE since i last blogged. Blimey!

Moving along... let me start by saying that the "Green Monster" here refers to the "envy", and that's the emotion I've been feeling for quite some time now. Sigh...

I know I shouldn't be sooooooo jealous, but I just can't help it!!!

Sigh... but there's one thing i'm practising now, and that's "living the moment". I don't live in the future nor in the past anymore =) hehehe! And that, I can safely say, has given me this ability to give my all for the "now", rather than the "will be" and the "what was" =)

:: ... oVeR aNd oUt ... ::

The Well of Unshed Tears

When a person you love dies, your first reaction is to cry. Cry piteously. That is good. It is part of accepting that the person has passed. That is why there is a period of mourning. To contemplate on what has happened and to come into terms with it. And that is also why they conduct a wake, so that people could come and see for themselves that the person has indeed passed away.

But I... I have not mourned. I have not grieved. I had no "corpse" (of our friendly relationship) to mourn and grieve over. And as a result, i have not fully accepted that he is gone from my life, never to return. No proper discussion over what happened between us. No parting words. Just, "Tigilan mu n nga iyan. . . naaawa ako sau". Boy, that smarts.

It may the reason why everytime i think about what happened that fateful night, my vision is blurred by tears. But they won't fall. No. I have shed not one tear for him. Not a single one. Everytime i come close to actually breaking down in tears, a great feeling of despair, regret, sadness, and hopelessness engulfs me, and it leaves me feeling like a child in a body of a nineteen-year-old, a child who has been left stranded, alone and afraid in the middle of nowhere by someone he loved dearly, and because of the child in him, he desires to weep and thrash about. Unfortunately enough though, the nineteen-year-old body won't allow the child in him to overcome his being.

There is one thing much worse than having to cry over something, and that is having something to cry over and you can't do so.

Tears, instead of falling into the earth, washing away your sorrows, and instead of wiping your soul clean and ridding it of all that is undesirable, are held back within you and waters your heart, polluted with feelings of anger, hatred, sorrow and despair, letting those emotions flourish more easily. And this is what i am going through right now.

Tears, MY tears, should have been shed three months ago.

When will i finally release them? Am i just afraid that if i do so, it will make it final that he will never come back again? Am i just fearful of the fact that if i do so, i will have to bury all the memories i made with him, along with our friendship? God. OUR friendship. Is it dead already?

I need to make my peace with my memories of him. There's no good to reminisce over times you shared with another that probably mean nothing to them.

But necessity and desire often oppose each other. And i know that deep down in my heart, i am still wishing that he will come back to me.

So is this never going to end?

And is this how my life is going to be? A well of unshed tears?

:: ... oVeR aNd oUt ... ::

Update!

Hehe! It's been over two months, eh? Anyway, not much has happened (except a ruined friendship with someone I really care for). Oh well... What to do? Shit happens, as the saying goes. The best thing is, I have learned a lot from my past experiences with this kind of things and I am finally able to keep a smiling face despite all that has happened. Thanks to Plato and some other philosophers. (And come to think of that, thanks to my Philosophy of the Human Person and Logic professors... The compilation they made together was REALLY good... And thanks to my PHL5 (Moral Ethics/Theology) professor as well. He's really good! And philosophy, as for now, keeps my mind off unpleasant things.)

Anyway, I'm ALMOST a full member of the Thomasian Debaters' Council, so I need to train hard if I were to represent the Pontifical, the Royal and the Catholic University of the Philippines (and smoke-free! Bad trip!) hehe!

Totoo pala na kapag mahal mo talaga ang isang tao, at hindi ka lang obsessed na "maging-kayo", ang gugustohin mo ay ang kabutihan at ang kasayahan nung taong yun, at kahit masakit na hindi naging kayo (pagkatapos manood ng cine. HAHA! joke Lng un! mwahahaha! actually, half-joke... long story, and one I don't wanna blog about. Not that they know I have a blog. But still... Only two people so far knows who "they" are, and I want it to stay that way), sasaya ka na din dahil masaya sya. Sasaya ka na din na masaya sya na kapiling ang iba.

I can't help but smile. Haha! Especially when I see that certain bus line. Haha! (only Paige and RC knows that. Haha!)

:: ... oVeR aNd oUt ... ::

Untitled #2

Hehehe! Aika tagged me some time ago, so I'm "It"! Here goes...

Four jobs you have had in your life:
1. Student
2. (Music) performer
3. Parish office assistant
4. Palamunin ng mga magulang ko (hehe!)

Four movies you would watch over and over:
1. Kill Bill (Vol. 1)
2. Memoirs of a Geisha
3. Mean Girls
4. John Q.

Four places you have lived in:
1. Lobo, Batangas
2. Kg. Beruang, Brunei
3. B. Seri Begawan, Brunei
4. Tondo, Manila

Four TV shows you love watching:
1. Pinoy Big Brother
2. the news
3. most of what's shown in ABS-CBN's Primetime Bida (but NOT Panday! *shudders*)
4. ...

Four places you have been on vacation:
1. Miri, East Malaysia
2. Kota Kinabalu, East Malaysia
3. Batangas
4. HOME!!!

Four websites I visit daily:
1. http://www.wikipedia.org/
2. http://www.bbc.co.uk/
3. mail.yahoo.com
4. www.friendster.com

Four of my favorite foods:
1. Halo-halo
2. Adobo (Chicken!)
3. Andok's Chicken
4. Pampanga's Best longganisa, tosino AND hotdog =p

Four places I would rather be right now:
1. SM North Edsa
2. UST (I miss UST and my friends!!!)
3. Church of Our Lady of the Assumption, Brunei (Gosh... I miss our parish over there!!)
4. Anywhere with *****

Hehe... The last entry is about that second person in my life. GOSH! That person's soooo in Love with me! And I guess I am, too. Hahaha!

:: ... oVeR aNd oUt ... ::

Labour Day

Contrary to the beliefs of the Malacañang and the PNP (which declared a full-alert status) that the Labour Day protests would erupt into an armed attempt to wrestle power from the President, the Labour Day protests were peaceful and surprisingly civilized.

The Philippine Presidential Palace, or the Malacañang, from personal observations, once more showed how paranoid they were that their political opponents would use the Labour Day protests as a front to orchestrate a coup d'etat. They were proved wrong when the Labour Day protests were as peaceful as can be, with not a single rock thrown at the riot police. Not only were the Labour Day protests peaceful in the capital, no problems were also reported from other parts of the country. And, like most peace-loving citizens of the Philipines, I applaud this as a visible sign that our country's democracy is on the right track to maturity (even as a self-proclaimed communist such as myself, I am nevertheless pleased that my dream of seeing our country prosper through a so-called "democracy" is finally being realized). Although I see the capitalist system and democracy as being highly inadequate systems of government as they dont provide equal opportunities for the masses, I am nevertheless proud of our country's progress, slow, yes, but still progressing.

Although the President has managed to stick to her seat in the Malacañang like velcro, I have my own doubts as to her legitimacy as Chief Executive of our glorious nation. The Malacañang's evasive attitude towards alleged election frauds are, of course, what aroused my suspicions (and the suspicions of many other Filipinos) regarding Mdm. Arroyo's right to be President of the Fifth Philippine Republic.

Hopefully, the dark cloud that looms over the politics of our country will be dispersed with prayer and light will eventually shine over our nation.

Mabuhay tayong lahat. Mabuhay ang PILIPINAS!

Untitled

The TV show I've been waiting for is now finally being aired on ABS-CBN. I like some of the housemates (don't wanna mention which ones, though...)

Anyway, there was another person who came into my life. But we're having some problems lately, but the impression this person has made on me is that they are one who're quite mature, and one who really likes me. Hmmm... I wonder why.

Btw... for anti-CPR (Calibrated Pre-emptive Response, NOT the first-aid procedure) people out there, the Supreme Court ruled that it is unconstitutional, saying that this CPR encroaches on the freedom of the people. There is a possibility that the Malacañang is going to appeal the ruling.

Furthermore, there was a report that some are trying to seize the allegedly ill-gotten wealth of the Marcoses for the government. Apparently, the said fortune is enough to repay all the foreign debts of the country. Although, one may wonder if the wealth, if it is ever awarded to the government, will be used for the public's interest or it will just go into the pockets of some rotten politicians.

I like that guy. It's just that I'm not sure if I love him. He seems to be cautious not get hurt again. But hey... doesn't everyone else who's had a past relationship before?

:: ... oVeR aNd oUt ... ::

SUMMER NA!!

Whew! Been quite a while since I last posted an entry, eh?? Hehe! IT'S SUMMER!!!

Anyway... what happened during my absence? A LOT!!!

Applied for a summer job in some bogus (we think) company [JOB SCAM!!!], failed my Legal Management, but did a "special project" so I got a 3, my sister graduated from UST (BS-Nutrition), my parents came for my sister's graduation and were here for only 3 days (see how our parents love us?? hehe! I'm so lucky to have them!!!), went back to the province, saw my cousins, came back to Manila, swore never to return to the province after the HORRENDOUS journey back to Manila and also 'coz I realized I will NEVER like the life in the province!, came back REALLY worried I'd fail my Eco101 but got a 2.75, then took up my masteral in AB-Bum. Haha!

Gosh! I MISS UST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I miss you, my dear dear dear alma mater!!! And, OF COURSE, 1LM1 (hmm... hope we don't get re-shuffled... then we'll be 2LM1 already! GO 1LM1!!! Or is it 2LM1? what the heck!!! Whatever our section's called, we're still the greatest section in ALL AB! No!!! IN ALL UST!! HAHAHA! Nakaman!! HAHAHA!)

See you all in JUNE for enrolment!!!

:: ... oVeR aNd oUt ... ::

Long time, no blog...

Omg... it's been FOREVER since i Last posted an entry!!

anyway... I graduated from ROTC on March 5, 2006 (Hip-hip-HURRAH!!!) hehe!

Hmm... So much has happened, and I don't feeL Like writing them aLL down.

ALL i can say is, there was another guy and yep! You got it right! I'm disappointed again. Hehe! But i'm not as disappointed as before =D thank goodness i've Learned to accept being turned down (the guy was straight! and he's a reaLLy reLigious individuaL... =s )

Anyway... finaLs are coming... and we have a quiz for Eco101 tomorrow.. shit... i'm reaLLy worried... heheh! God wiLL provide...

:: ... oVeR aNd oUt ... ::

Where has my blood gone??

WAAAAHHHH! I feeL so WEAK!!! As in, mahina taLaga! Coz I gave 500 cc of my precious bLood yesterday for ROTC.

Hehe! anyway... Been Lobbying for my poLiticaL party SDP (Students' Democratic Party)... Hmm.... Notice something ironic here??

A Communist lobbying for Democracy! hahaha!

Anyway... I'm more of a defined or neo-communist anyway... More on the nationaList-sociaList side =D

Hmmmm.... maybe I shouLd form a new party in the FacuLty of Arts and Letters... hmmm... "The UST Communist Party" ... hehe! i LIKE that!!! JOKE! :

: ... oVeR aNd oUt ... ::

Freedom!

Freedom from regrets.
Freedom from tears.
Freedom from guilt.
Freedom that'LL Last for years.

Freedom to Love
Freedom to BE
Freedom to see the worLd
without bigotry.

I wanna soar high
into the heavens and over the sea
I wanna be free

Free to be who I am
Free to be who I want to be
in other words... I just want to be...

FREE to be ME...

:: ... oVeR aNd oUt ... ::